Disney World Parenting

"Go in the bathroom and see if she's on the phone." First of all it was a little too demanding for my taste. Secondly, I may be 24, but I still think I'm a kid, so don't ask me to do adult things, such as help raise YOUR kids.

I was in Disney World last week, and man, was it fun? It was! A nice little trip down memory lane that included Peter Pan, my parents, and my cousins. Every summer when I was a kid, we went on vaca with my cousins and their three boys. Our collaborative vacations ended when, 13 years ago, they finally popped out a little girl. Of the boys I grew up with, I knew two of them pretty well: one two years older than me and the second two years younger.

But on this Disney vacation, I finally got to spend time with the two youngest kids that I didn't really pay attention to growing up. (One of them is my cousin V, 20, who Kate thought was hot from a pic of he and myself at my bro's wedding.) It was kind of fun to see Vito had his own little spunky personality. While we were in line for Space Mountain, he learned that if you had a special ticket, you could get a wristband and stay in the park for an extra three hours after close. Then he conned some kids in line to let us borrow their tickets, and we rode Pirates of the Caribbean until 2 in the am.

My cousin A, 12, is another story. I thought she would drive me bananas because she's that age when girls get whiny and annoying. Instead, she wanted to be my bff, and that was fine. The problem was this: Her parents own several businesses back at home. So they gave her a cell phone to get in touch with them in case of emergencies because they can never be certain at what locale they'll be. Of course, she's cute and she gave her phone number to everyone, including boys.

So the whole trip, she's lying to her mom and saying she has to use the bathroom so she can check her VM and call people from the stalls. Which is ri-dick. I get wind of what she's doing because now she wants me to read text messages that boys send her and listen to their VMs. She's got like 4 boys telling her, I love you, I miss you, when are you coming home? Some of the more funny things that they said included one boy saying he wrote a song for her because he misses her so much. Second funny thing: One boy said he deleted all of the songs from his iPod and made a playlist of tunes that makes him think of her. (Which I thought was hi-LAR-ious!)

So I don't know what to do, right? I mean, these things would be funny in a made-for-tv movie, but this is real life, where sassy young girls get molested and stuff. I say, "A, are you smooching boys?" Of course she says no. So I say, "It's okay to talk to boys, but don't go smooching, okay?" I continue and tell her don't think that when you turn 14 or something that the rule doesn't apply. I said, when you think you want to smooch a boy, talk to your mom or someone first. Because she's kind of a cute little girl right?

But she's goofey. We were walking and she sort of tripped, and I said, "What did you do that for?" She says, "I didn't do it on purpose. I only trip on purpose when I'm trying to impress a boy." I was like, jigga WHAT? Number one, that's nutz. Number two, does it really work? Because I might try it out sometime this weekend. And she wears makeup around and low cut tops and pouts out her lips on purpose and when she fixes her hair in the mirror, she finishes saying, "Now I look pretty."

I go to my mom and tell her about A using the phone in the bathroom, and ask if I should tell on her. My mom says, she thinks it's better that my cousin trust me. Then my mom says, I should pull my cousin to the side and reassert that she shouldn't smooch boys and tell her to avoid boys who try to touch her.

Well, then I'm getting all nervous. Because all of a sudden, I'm supposed to have a role in this girl's life? I mean, I'll watch cartoons with her, but trying to have any hand, even a small one, in keeping her out of trouble kind of freaked me out! What if I mess up? And, let's not forget, I'm not a model of how to avoid bad behavior with boys.

Then my mom tells me that V tore into his parents when A and I were in the bathroom eariler. (I was trying to squeeze out a crap and she was on the phone again.) V went on all about, how could you give her that phone? Don't you know what you're doing giving her that phone? And my older cousin, Anth, let's fly about all of the boyfriends she has. According to my mom, they were going to take the phone away later.

So then, that night, they apparently started getting mad at her about the phone and told her not to bring it to the park the next day. Well, she brought it anyway, and told everyone that it ran out of batteries so it's no big deal. Of course, it was not out of batteries and she ran to the bathroom every 30 minutes to turn it on and check her VM.

Later that day, we were sitting in a restaurant, and A gets up for the bathroom to wash her hands. And her mom says, she's not using the phone this time because it's out of batteries. I say, The phone's not out of batteries and that she's been using it all day.

There. I felt relieved that I'd done my part, you know? So everyone at the table stares blankly at eachother, and my cousin's mom, says, "Janet, go in the bathroom and see if she's using the phone. "

And I went on the express track to freaking out. I say, "I'm not a disciplinarian. What am I supposed to do?"

She says, "Just go in there and let us know if she's on the phone."

The deal here is, A's mom desperately wants to believe that her daughter isn't growing up and lying to them (which is what this whole thing right now is really about), to the point that she's trying to avoid having to witness it, but simultaneously knows that it needs to be stopped.

I say, "Sorry, I'm not comfortable with that." And she gets up and goes. Of course, A is NOT using the phone this time. This was good for all of us, because it would have exploded into a black hole that sucks fun from a light-hearted vacation. Anyway, isn't that CrAzY!

Raising kids is tough, and I really don't want to be a part of it, prolley forever.