The Walrus (a poem)

Let's all be on the outside,
Who we are on the inside.

Let's go to the Walrus on Tuesday,
Dressed as your spouse.

Shame what?
Embarrassed, huh?

Fall on your face while dancing.

Queue up with the other guys,
Glazed over eyes,
Waiting to put their "drink order"
Into the waitress.

Respond: "I am a robot."
When a stranger says,
"Someone drew lines
And wrote numbers one through six
on your back."
Respond: "Robots don't sing."
When the same person
Asks you to duet Meatloaf.

Do the monkey on stage as
Your new best friend
What's-his-name
Sings "Baby Got Back".

"Unchained Melody", "Eclipse of the Heart", "Big Booty Bitches"
An entire genre of songs use
Lyrics such as mlaah la la la.
Dhaaa.

When you're asked if you'd
Like another Cherry Coke,
Feel free to say, "No thanks.
I'm driving."

Because here at the Walrus,
Singing karaoke with the mic
Parallel to the floor
With your eyes closed,
Here at the Walrus
We are all
Openly retarded.

The Best Dating Method Ever: Get over yourself and get a girl

I knew I was going to be sitting down with my friend W last time I came into town, and I knew that our enjoyable conversations were going to go toward love troubles. We all have them. I was trying to come up with a good plan to get W out of his head and into a girl.

Thus the Krenn Method was born!

I have to say it is a pretty great, nay INGENIOUS Method!

Let me set this Method up a little better with some of the fundamental observations that lead to its conception:

1. Everyone gets rejected a lot. Here I'm using a loose definition of the word "rejected." It's not so much as having a girl tell you she won't go on a date with you. It includes a member of the target gender bailing out on plans, not being interested enough while conversing with you, etc. The trick is that most people rack up rejections at an early age (junior high-ish). By the time they hit college, they can read signals well enough to make good decisions on who is worthy of their attention.
   
2. Rejection leads to relationship maturity. Let's face it. Girls in their mid-twenties and beyond expect guys to behave and react in certain ways. Don't ask me for examples. I don't have any. All I know is that things I hear my female cohort describe can often be shielded under the umbrella of relationship immaturity or inexperience. Unfortunately, it seems that the most socially mature individual can still be relatively immature in a dating relationship. These immature daters are at a terrible disadvantage because the relationship maturity is what intelligent women base their romantic (not to be mistaken as sexual) decisions on.
3. Time is constantly being wasted. Pining over the target gender was fine and dandy for Shakespeare. Afterall, the dating pool in any play is only a max of 5 people. In the real world, every second you waste pining is time you're out of the game and missing opportunities to find the next best thing.

These observations lead to conflict.

1. How can an immature dater rack up the experience to get a girl? Only through rejection. But how do you get those worried about rejection to throw caution to the wind and try anyway?
2. What advice can you give an inexperienced dater so that he stops wasting time on girls that are not worthy of him?
   

The answers to question one lie in The Seventy Five. The answers to question two lie in The Steps.

As my friend has already done such an amazing job of explaining the method on his Live Journal page, I'm not even going to bother getting into it.

Check out Don Burleson on Live Journal.

An omen of better times to come