Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
my new thing
Nick Greene came through Colorado last Sunday, and man! It was AWESOME to see him!
So awesome, in fact that I completely forgot to take photographic evidence of our reunion.
Anyway, one thing Nick Greene said was that he really dug my stupe blog :) Hurray for Nick Greene! Hurray for the blog!
I'll definately start posting more, but in the meantime, I've joined brickfish and I'm playing with that.
Vote for my picture and I could win Northface gear and finally fit in in Colorado!
So awesome, in fact that I completely forgot to take photographic evidence of our reunion.
Anyway, one thing Nick Greene said was that he really dug my stupe blog :) Hurray for Nick Greene! Hurray for the blog!
I'll definately start posting more, but in the meantime, I've joined brickfish and I'm playing with that.
Vote for my picture and I could win Northface gear and finally fit in in Colorado!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Gay-dar by ring tones
Picture a morbidly obese man walking down the street with the smallest possible dog. The dog, as I imagine it, has little stumpy legs that give the impression of fluttering as it scurries to keep up with its owner. This vision appeared to a co-worker when he was flipping through ring tone options.
The ring tone, a fruity little number with (literally) bells and whistles that inspired visions of fat men with dogs waddling about town, was the ring tone the coworker chose. It is this same ring tone that, for others in the office, proved once and for all: The ring-tone-coworker is gay.
I'd say it was a Sherlock Holmes moment, but for these coworkers, there is no mystery to explain to Dear Watson. There was no real "Aha!" moment. The ring tone's evidence of gayness is too obvious to require further discussion. Like police who had all the evidence to a murder. The suspect was put in jail. Then they found the murder weapon in the suspect's pocket. Clearly, we're not surprised.
It's as obvious as finding a fully intact dead body with a name tag on its lapel that read "Hello My Name is Jimmy Hoffa". It couldn't be more obvious if this corpse would animate to slap your face silly if you or the medical examiner try to say he might be Paula or Jusef instead.
Yep. Gayness is now worn in your pocket in the form of a (bad) musical alert. Finally, a gaydar system that actually works!
The ring tone, a fruity little number with (literally) bells and whistles that inspired visions of fat men with dogs waddling about town, was the ring tone the coworker chose. It is this same ring tone that, for others in the office, proved once and for all: The ring-tone-coworker is gay.
I'd say it was a Sherlock Holmes moment, but for these coworkers, there is no mystery to explain to Dear Watson. There was no real "Aha!" moment. The ring tone's evidence of gayness is too obvious to require further discussion. Like police who had all the evidence to a murder. The suspect was put in jail. Then they found the murder weapon in the suspect's pocket. Clearly, we're not surprised.
It's as obvious as finding a fully intact dead body with a name tag on its lapel that read "Hello My Name is Jimmy Hoffa". It couldn't be more obvious if this corpse would animate to slap your face silly if you or the medical examiner try to say he might be Paula or Jusef instead.
Yep. Gayness is now worn in your pocket in the form of a (bad) musical alert. Finally, a gaydar system that actually works!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Excerpt from an old email
I searched my gmail for the term "Borders" because I all of a sudden had an urge to buy a book with a 25-40% off coupon. Instead an email I wrote, titled "yo mama" popped up, and it included this little ditty.
Here are funny things that happened to me today:
1. I went over to Dufek the Designer's cube to talk work, and of course, I was there for 25 minutes laughing about whatev. And he pulls out this book called "Why did Grandpa die?" and then he opens the front cover which includes the inscription: To Abbey and Sarah Love G'ma and G'pa. And we laughed and laughed at the following: (1) Is G'pa distributing presents from beyond the grave and (2) Was G'pa alive when he and G'ma went over to Borders and G'ma said, "This looks like a lovely gift for the girls." Did G'pa agree? or (3) Did G'ma, with a wry smile and slanted eyebrows, sneak it into a shopping cart and say "Oh nothing" when G'pa peered in and asked, "What have you got there, Ma?"
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Safari in the Denver Airport Savannah
African elephants, during the dry season, will travel hundreds of miles in search of water. In an episode of Planet Earth, I saw them circling through air-borne sand in their desperate search. When they finally get to their destination, the elephants find other elephants, lions, and various species all congregated around the waterhole, suspiciously eying one another. At any moment, the competition may try to displace someone at the waterhole. Ignore a lion too long, and your pride and joy becomes the meal of the pride.
Patrons of the Denver International Airport provide a parallel study in animal behavior. Thirsty, they prowl the waiting areas of the terminals. Hugging their possessions close to them they circle and circle between the rows of blue stereotypical airport seating. Mouths dry. Hungry. And for what? Juice.
I don't mean Welch's, Tropicana, or Motts. I mean precious electricity.
Some how the word got out that this circus tent in the western corner of the Denver-city limits houses more than just blue seats fused together at the arm-rests.
The DIA internet is free and wireless, accessible anywhere in the joint. The only trick is stalking out a good seat within power adapter distance from an outlet, of which there are shockingly few.
A technology-hungry business person takes two outlets, one for his blackberry and another for his laptop. A person employing two outlets becomes stalked by those with their own electrical hunger. As soon as that person moves to unplug one device or the other, the pack pounces. The outlet is taken down quickly, and the strongest of the competitors enjoy the spoils until satiated.
Prowling outlet-seekers routinely hold their laptop close to their chest. Usually it is in a hand, while the empty satchel swings from the other arm. Members of the searching pack do not keep their electronics stowed. They are alert to pounce at any opportunity.
When all of the other seats and outlets are occupied, a prowling lion will sit next to the person with the most lines into nearby outlets. At some point, their iPod will be charged and the lion will make his kill. Yet while it waits patiently, yet eagerly for an opportunity, it gets eyed as a predator getting a little too close to the herd. The power-hoarder knows what you're after, and hovers over his wire herd. If he's traveling solo, there is a twinge of panic in the way he monitors the lion's position. If he's traveling with a pack, he enlists them to keep the lion at bay with suspicious stares. As if you might snatch some of his personal junk. When in fact, all you really want is the outlet.
Animals around the outlet do not converse with one another. Times are tense. There's no room for pleasantries.
Patrons of the Denver International Airport provide a parallel study in animal behavior. Thirsty, they prowl the waiting areas of the terminals. Hugging their possessions close to them they circle and circle between the rows of blue stereotypical airport seating. Mouths dry. Hungry. And for what? Juice.
I don't mean Welch's, Tropicana, or Motts. I mean precious electricity.
Some how the word got out that this circus tent in the western corner of the Denver-city limits houses more than just blue seats fused together at the arm-rests.
The DIA internet is free and wireless, accessible anywhere in the joint. The only trick is stalking out a good seat within power adapter distance from an outlet, of which there are shockingly few.
A technology-hungry business person takes two outlets, one for his blackberry and another for his laptop. A person employing two outlets becomes stalked by those with their own electrical hunger. As soon as that person moves to unplug one device or the other, the pack pounces. The outlet is taken down quickly, and the strongest of the competitors enjoy the spoils until satiated.
Prowling outlet-seekers routinely hold their laptop close to their chest. Usually it is in a hand, while the empty satchel swings from the other arm. Members of the searching pack do not keep their electronics stowed. They are alert to pounce at any opportunity.
When all of the other seats and outlets are occupied, a prowling lion will sit next to the person with the most lines into nearby outlets. At some point, their iPod will be charged and the lion will make his kill. Yet while it waits patiently, yet eagerly for an opportunity, it gets eyed as a predator getting a little too close to the herd. The power-hoarder knows what you're after, and hovers over his wire herd. If he's traveling solo, there is a twinge of panic in the way he monitors the lion's position. If he's traveling with a pack, he enlists them to keep the lion at bay with suspicious stares. As if you might snatch some of his personal junk. When in fact, all you really want is the outlet.
Animals around the outlet do not converse with one another. Times are tense. There's no room for pleasantries.
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