Today I got stabbed in the back with a needle, and I immediately was reminded of having my teeth drilled at the dentist. It was my 2nd acupuncture treatment.
Magic Ingredients
Acupuncturists do this thing where they light herbs on fire and stick them to your body. When you feel the heat, it gets removed. The herb is called Moxa (possibly misspelled).
On my first acupuncture treatment, I was told that I was going to get Moxa in my belly button. To disperse the heat evenly and prevent burning, my acupuncturist was going to put salt into my belly button. I immediately envision some magical Chinese salt that you have to buy from the same store where that kid picked up Gizmo from the movie Gremlins. Limited edition, thousand-year-old salt from the bottom of an ancient sea. And as I'm in the middle of this imagination frenzy, my acupuncture gal begins to pour into my belly button the salt from none other than a standard blue Morton Salt container... I felt a bit like a cake...
Today there was Moxa, sans salt, all over the place and lots of it! I don't know if the Moxa was a compounding factor or what, but there were plenty of "deeper sensations" today as well.
Deeper Sensation
When you hear about acupuncture, maybe you're used to hearing phrases such as "really works" or "balances energy". What you do not hear tossed around is "deeper sensation".
I owe my deeper sensations to luck. I've always been curious about acupuncture, but my curiosity has never motivated me to open up my wallet. My first two visits to this acupuncturist have been pro bono on account of my going to a health fair to get my cholesterol checked and getting my name picked out of the magic acupuncture hat.
Anyway, the first visit my acupuncture gal was prepping me on what to expect. She said, "You're going to feel a pin prick, and then you may feel a deeper sensation."
"What is a deeper sensation?"
"Well, it could be a dull pain, or like a shock of electricity..."
"So you're telling me, something bad."
For that first treatment, she had drawn four X's around my ankles. These were the treasure map to the points she intended to jut a needle into to aleviate the following symptoms: stress, cold extremities, and mood swings.
First needle goes in and out, and there wasn't much in the way of a deeper sensation. Second needle, things stay boring. Third needle, starting to yawn. Forth needle, a huge rush of energy from the needle point shooting out my toes. (Days later, I recounted this to my mom who thought this could have been a "hit nerve". I've been wondering about that, and decided that it was somewhat different: Pinching nerves leave a pain after you remove the simulus. In my case, the needle came out and the excitement was immediately over.)
Anyway, this "deeper sensation" left me on an "acupuncture high" until at least the following day. I felt drunk, to be quite honest, and that evening when I was talking with my friend Kara, I found myself more eager to laugh than usual--quite a feat, because Kara is generally funny anyway and this was definately a heightened experience.
So today I had my second treatment.
One point in my back and I mistakenly thought my teeth were getting drilled. A point on my calf and I thought I was standing on hot coals. Probably 4 deeper sensations in all, all somewhat unpleasant, and this was with about 10 points.
Also I got stuck in the stomach. I didn't like that very much.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Flying Puppy
Question: What's worse than phoning your boyfriend at midnight-thirty to say that you have abandoned you room because no one is around to save you from the gigantic moth that slipped into bed with you?
Answer: Re-branding the nemesis from "fluttering menace" into a "flying puppy."
"Just trap it with your hands," he said. "It's soft."
"I don't care what it is," I said. "I tried to capture it with the tupperware, and it just started flying around!!" (Truly an outrage.)
The problem with moths, more so than other bugs, is that they're just as clumsy as I. Flies are easy to shoo out of the open door or window because they have a predictable trajectory. Moths, on the other hand, are all willy-nilly, and I find myself imitating their behavior, wiggling around as if I had no bones.
Let's be honest, I don't do well with other bugs either.
In college, I had two carpenter ants in my apartment. I had moved all of the lights into the affected room so that I could see their every move. It's debilitating. Like being a child that saw a scary movie too close to bedtime. In the end, I bought very hard soled shoes and mashed the ants into the carpet. Then I covered their little carpenter ant corpses with a desk.
One time, that same year, I had a big spider in my apartment. I was on the phone with Walter at the time, and I started panicking.
"Walter, what should I do!"
"Turn off all of the lights and hope it goes away!"
"Will you come over and kill it for me?"
"God no!" were his exact words.
Fastforward to two years after the carpet ant/spider apartment, and I was living in an apartment with straight up roaches! They were nice, because although very gross, the adults were very secretive. You never had to look at a live moving adult roach in my apartment. Just the little baby roaches would hang around in the sink, and the remedy was simple: Turn on the hot water, dump a cap full of bleach into the drain, and spend the night at a friends house for about a week.
Earlier this month there were two big wasps in our apartment. Wade lured them toward the screen door by turning on a nearby light. Then he crawled GI-style toward the screen door and slid the door open without getting so much as 4 inches from the ground.
It was pretty impressive, and luckily for me, his demonstration on how to rid the apartment of a wasp occurred before he left for his DJ gig. So when the second wasp was in the house and I was alone, I had the survival skills to get it out the door. Then I had the common sense to close all of the doors and windows and turn on the AC.
Well, I've procrastinated long enough... its time to leave the lights on in the hall, build a fort out of my blankets, and get some sleep.
Answer: Re-branding the nemesis from "fluttering menace" into a "flying puppy."
"Just trap it with your hands," he said. "It's soft."
"I don't care what it is," I said. "I tried to capture it with the tupperware, and it just started flying around!!" (Truly an outrage.)
The problem with moths, more so than other bugs, is that they're just as clumsy as I. Flies are easy to shoo out of the open door or window because they have a predictable trajectory. Moths, on the other hand, are all willy-nilly, and I find myself imitating their behavior, wiggling around as if I had no bones.
Let's be honest, I don't do well with other bugs either.
In college, I had two carpenter ants in my apartment. I had moved all of the lights into the affected room so that I could see their every move. It's debilitating. Like being a child that saw a scary movie too close to bedtime. In the end, I bought very hard soled shoes and mashed the ants into the carpet. Then I covered their little carpenter ant corpses with a desk.
One time, that same year, I had a big spider in my apartment. I was on the phone with Walter at the time, and I started panicking.
"Walter, what should I do!"
"Turn off all of the lights and hope it goes away!"
"Will you come over and kill it for me?"
"God no!" were his exact words.
Fastforward to two years after the carpet ant/spider apartment, and I was living in an apartment with straight up roaches! They were nice, because although very gross, the adults were very secretive. You never had to look at a live moving adult roach in my apartment. Just the little baby roaches would hang around in the sink, and the remedy was simple: Turn on the hot water, dump a cap full of bleach into the drain, and spend the night at a friends house for about a week.
Earlier this month there were two big wasps in our apartment. Wade lured them toward the screen door by turning on a nearby light. Then he crawled GI-style toward the screen door and slid the door open without getting so much as 4 inches from the ground.
It was pretty impressive, and luckily for me, his demonstration on how to rid the apartment of a wasp occurred before he left for his DJ gig. So when the second wasp was in the house and I was alone, I had the survival skills to get it out the door. Then I had the common sense to close all of the doors and windows and turn on the AC.
Well, I've procrastinated long enough... its time to leave the lights on in the hall, build a fort out of my blankets, and get some sleep.
beat that!
I had a friend in college who maintained that her father's dream was to have a photograph of her and her mother wearing matching floral dresses.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Summer Book Review #1
The Books
Positioning--Al Reis and Jack Trout
The 22 Immutable Truths of Branding--Al Reis and Laura Reis
Positioning--Al Reis and Jack Trout
The 22 Immutable Truths of Branding--Al Reis and Laura Reis
The Sort-of Review
Okay, so I've finished two books this week--never mind that one was an audio book! Both of them are from my Additional Work-Related Reading list, leaving only one left in that caegory for the summer.
These two books, both related to marketing, branding, and positioning were incredibly insightful for me, being that I'm the "Marketing Director" despite being entirely clueless about marketing.
The point is that if anyone is interested in marketing, these two books are quick, easy-to-reads. They are very instructional, i.e. repetitive and full of good examples. They were perfect starting points for me to get my feet wet in the first step of marketing a new product--branding it. Even if you're not interested in marketing, these books provide fun insight into the way that people think when they go to the store.
While reading, I identified a dichotomy in myself between when I am a consumer and when I am a marketer.
The rule? Repetition creates a brand and a position in the mind of the consumer.
As a consumer, I best remember things that have been repeated over and over again. That "how many licks to the center of the tootsie pop?" commercial. Perfect example. I don't think the Tootsie Roll people made any other commercials. So in my mind, I have a special, uncontested place for Tootsie Pops. I also have a unique place in my brain where I store tips from Louie the Lightning Bug with regards to power lines.
As a marketer, I enjoy coming up with different looks to our brochures. Although it's fun for me to keep coming up with new designs, it doesn't help establish a singular idea of our company's brand in the mind. As it turns out, a singular, uncontested version of your company is the best way to go.
For more on these things, read the books!
NOTE
You can download a 1-hour audio version of The 22 Immutable Truths of Branding from Audible.com for less than $7.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
My Summer Reading List
If you plan to do something, over-plan it to the point nothing may get done. ~Sortajack
After a year of almost inactivity, I decided to take up reading again. This time two years ago, I was reading a book every two weeks, as well as The New Yorker (I can't wait to get my issue with the controversial Obama cover, btw) and The Week.
So to jumpstart my summer reading, I've started with a "healthy" list including titles I already own, as well as Business Week's recommended MBA poolside reading.
In no particular order:
BusinessWeek Titles
Other Business Titles
Family/Friends Recommended Reading
After a year of almost inactivity, I decided to take up reading again. This time two years ago, I was reading a book every two weeks, as well as The New Yorker (I can't wait to get my issue with the controversial Obama cover, btw) and The Week.
So to jumpstart my summer reading, I've started with a "healthy" list including titles I already own, as well as Business Week's recommended MBA poolside reading.
In no particular order:
BusinessWeek Titles
- The Entrepreneur's Guide to Finance and Business (Steven Rogers)
- The World is Flat (Thomas Friedman)
- True North (Bill George)
- in progress Field Notes from a Catastrophe (Elizabeth Kolbert)
- Ulysses (James Joyce)
- Five Future Strategies You Need to Know Right Now (George Stalk and John Butman)
- Competitive Strategy (Michael E. Porter)
- The Back of the Napkin (Dan Roam)
Other Business Titles
- done Positioning (Al Reis and Jack Trout)
- done 22 Immutable Truths of Branding (Al Reis)
- The Wisdom of Crowds (James Surowiecki)
Family/Friends Recommended Reading
- The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
- The Crimson Petal in the White (Michel Faber)
- in progress When You Are Engulfed in Flames (David Sedaris)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Pee-Wee is still great after all these years
Kyle and I got drunk last night and went to a showing of Pee Wee's Big Adventure really late. And you know what? It was just about as fun as going to the theater to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show! Except, you know what? The script is actually very funny!
I recommend to you and anyone you know to get drunk and watch Pee Wee's Big Adventure on the big screen if ever the opportunity arises!
There's my plug. Also, I love Tim Burton and Danny Elfman!
I recommend to you and anyone you know to get drunk and watch Pee Wee's Big Adventure on the big screen if ever the opportunity arises!
There's my plug. Also, I love Tim Burton and Danny Elfman!
900 miles to be ditched, straight up!
So did I tell yous that my friend B. got engaged? She got engaged two days before my marathon, and of course she's all excited... Anyway, she called to tell me, and then asked me to be her maid of honor.
Anyway, I knew I'd be going home for vacation for a long time, and so a month ahead of time I call her up. I had one day (Friday) that I would be in Chicago and then my fam and I were going to drive to Minocqua, WI, for the rest of the week. So, two weeks before she gets engaged, I tell her that I'll be in town and she "pens me in" to spend all morning and afternoon Friday together. The original plan was that we'd go to the beach downtown, as I'd land at 9 in the AM and then at 5 in the PM, I'd ride the train home with my friend W and hang out with him for dinner.
So then she gets engaged, and one week before I'm supposed to fly in she calls and says, how about we go looking at banquet halls for the reception instead, which sounded like fun because I'm always getting asked to be in wedding parties but then the b2b never wants me to help with anything... which is a mixed blessing of course, but I was still pretty excited to go look at halls with her and be on the inside track a little...
Now it's Thursday at 7PM Chicago time, and I just finished with that lab accreditation BS, and we were out having a drink. B calls and I say I'll call you in 15 minutes. We're about to leave. I call her back and she says her fiance's cousin invited her to a "cross-town" ball game (Cubs v. Sox) and she was going to go to that instead. She's saying, you know how hard those tickets are to get and how expensive they are and blah de blah de blah. And I'm sitting in the bf's car heading into Denver and all I can think is, " This is an OUTRAGE!" She says, let's hang out at night instead. I say I have plans with W. She says, can I hang out with yous? I say, call me tomorrow. And hang up.
Of course I'm LIVID! B is NOT A DIE HARD BASEBALL fan!! She doesn't know any of the players. She doesn't watch the games on TV. And I'm flying in from across the country, her fucking maid of honor, and available for one day only! To really tick me off, I start thinking, I could have called my uncles and made plans to have lunch with them. I could have called my cousins and said I'd drop by for an hour in the afternoon. But I cleared an entire afternoon for her, and now it's 10 pm Chicago time, and I can't call anyone!!
So I curse and curse in the car with my bf, inventing all sorts of great fun expletives. I eventually get disappointed as I'm realizing that my bf is not joining in on my curse-a-thon and that I have no way to get home from the airport tomorrow morning. I call my dad and say, "Dad, you'll never fucking guess what B did!"
He says, All right, let's have it!
I say, We've had plans to hang out tomorrow for longer than a month, and she just called me NOW to say she's going to a cross-town game instead.
Dad says, What?!
I say, yeah, what a bitch!
He says, Yeah what a fucking bitch!
I say, she doesn't even pay attention to baseball and I'm flying across the country for one day only and she's going to a fucking ball game!
Dad says, Fuck her. Fuck her.
I say, This is an OUTRAGE! A Mother Fucking OUTRAGE! And you know what else? She just asked me to be her maid of honor and we were on the phone 2 times earlier this week talking about hanging out and she was telling me all about how she broke it to her other close friends that she's not having anyone else in the wedding party!
Dad says, And then she pulls this shit?
I say, Yeah, what a bitch!
Dad says, Fuck her. Fuck her! We'll pick you up from the airport and eat omelets and we'll go to the Japs for dinner.
(God bless him!)
The good thing about all of this is that I was planning to check on a bag so that I could bring her birthday/house warming (she and the fee-fee-poo are moving in together) present--it's a liquor carosel that holds 6 bottles of booze and dispenses a shot every time. Now that she was a confirmed huge fucking bitch, I didn't need to bother with checked baggage. Which was nice.
Anyway, I fly in and I end up having a very nice little day with my mom and dad (which was a moot point as we were destined to spend the next 7 days together anyway), and then I have a fabulous time with W, bitching about her... and at 1030 at night she calls and says she wants to meet us up.
Then I'm torn, right? If I were living in town, I would perpetuate this squabble for months and months until I'm satisfied, and then we could just meet up one evening and everything would be fine. Now I'm half way across the country, and if I'm going to hold this grudge, the route toward resolution is much less certain. I was trying to weigh these things with W earlier, because I knew she was going to call. W enjoys conflict and agreed that I should keep up the grudge. But when she calls, he says, Just have her come out. Now that she's making effort you've lost all the awesome upper hand. So she comes out to A BOOKSTORE reeking of booze, and wants to show off her ring and talk about the game, which "her side" lost, and I was feeling pretty righteous and smug having chosen to wear the other team's hat.
Anyway, she was acting all happy to see me and I was like, ho hum, and not intentionally either... but maybe just because I was ho hum...
It really makes you realize who your friends are, you know? I mean, I have guy friends who are religious about baseball, but I'm 100% certain that if they were presented with cross-town tickets when we had plans and I was flying across the country for these plans, they wouldn't go. W, for example, hates bars, and only goes to them when the Sox are playing, and I KNOW he wouldn't go to a cross town game if it meant canceling plans.
Fast forward to coming home from family vacation. I totally carried two frozen Chicago-style pizzas on the plane and invited my roommate to my boyfriend's house to eat them that night. At the bf's house my roommate notices the same liquor carousel I bought for B's birthday and says how cool it is! The next day I go home and give my roommate the boxed-up liquor carousel saying,"I was going to give it to B for her birthday/ house warming, but now she can just suck my ass!"
Then we got drunk and took out a sharpie and crossed out all of the kind words on the birthday card I had bought for B, so that all that was left was "Birthday". (Obviously leaving "Happy" on it would have been highly disingenuous...) I still haven't sent that card to her, but I'm thinking more and more that I will. Afterall, she's a bitch.
Birthday, B, Birthday.
Anyway, I knew I'd be going home for vacation for a long time, and so a month ahead of time I call her up. I had one day (Friday) that I would be in Chicago and then my fam and I were going to drive to Minocqua, WI, for the rest of the week. So, two weeks before she gets engaged, I tell her that I'll be in town and she "pens me in" to spend all morning and afternoon Friday together. The original plan was that we'd go to the beach downtown, as I'd land at 9 in the AM and then at 5 in the PM, I'd ride the train home with my friend W and hang out with him for dinner.
So then she gets engaged, and one week before I'm supposed to fly in she calls and says, how about we go looking at banquet halls for the reception instead, which sounded like fun because I'm always getting asked to be in wedding parties but then the b2b never wants me to help with anything... which is a mixed blessing of course, but I was still pretty excited to go look at halls with her and be on the inside track a little...
Now it's Thursday at 7PM Chicago time, and I just finished with that lab accreditation BS, and we were out having a drink. B calls and I say I'll call you in 15 minutes. We're about to leave. I call her back and she says her fiance's cousin invited her to a "cross-town" ball game (Cubs v. Sox) and she was going to go to that instead. She's saying, you know how hard those tickets are to get and how expensive they are and blah de blah de blah. And I'm sitting in the bf's car heading into Denver and all I can think is, " This is an OUTRAGE!" She says, let's hang out at night instead. I say I have plans with W. She says, can I hang out with yous? I say, call me tomorrow. And hang up.
Of course I'm LIVID! B is NOT A DIE HARD BASEBALL fan!! She doesn't know any of the players. She doesn't watch the games on TV. And I'm flying in from across the country, her fucking maid of honor, and available for one day only! To really tick me off, I start thinking, I could have called my uncles and made plans to have lunch with them. I could have called my cousins and said I'd drop by for an hour in the afternoon. But I cleared an entire afternoon for her, and now it's 10 pm Chicago time, and I can't call anyone!!
So I curse and curse in the car with my bf, inventing all sorts of great fun expletives. I eventually get disappointed as I'm realizing that my bf is not joining in on my curse-a-thon and that I have no way to get home from the airport tomorrow morning. I call my dad and say, "Dad, you'll never fucking guess what B did!"
He says, All right, let's have it!
I say, We've had plans to hang out tomorrow for longer than a month, and she just called me NOW to say she's going to a cross-town game instead.
Dad says, What?!
I say, yeah, what a bitch!
He says, Yeah what a fucking bitch!
I say, she doesn't even pay attention to baseball and I'm flying across the country for one day only and she's going to a fucking ball game!
Dad says, Fuck her. Fuck her.
I say, This is an OUTRAGE! A Mother Fucking OUTRAGE! And you know what else? She just asked me to be her maid of honor and we were on the phone 2 times earlier this week talking about hanging out and she was telling me all about how she broke it to her other close friends that she's not having anyone else in the wedding party!
Dad says, And then she pulls this shit?
I say, Yeah, what a bitch!
Dad says, Fuck her. Fuck her! We'll pick you up from the airport and eat omelets and we'll go to the Japs for dinner.
(God bless him!)
The good thing about all of this is that I was planning to check on a bag so that I could bring her birthday/house warming (she and the fee-fee-poo are moving in together) present--it's a liquor carosel that holds 6 bottles of booze and dispenses a shot every time. Now that she was a confirmed huge fucking bitch, I didn't need to bother with checked baggage. Which was nice.
Anyway, I fly in and I end up having a very nice little day with my mom and dad (which was a moot point as we were destined to spend the next 7 days together anyway), and then I have a fabulous time with W, bitching about her... and at 1030 at night she calls and says she wants to meet us up.
Then I'm torn, right? If I were living in town, I would perpetuate this squabble for months and months until I'm satisfied, and then we could just meet up one evening and everything would be fine. Now I'm half way across the country, and if I'm going to hold this grudge, the route toward resolution is much less certain. I was trying to weigh these things with W earlier, because I knew she was going to call. W enjoys conflict and agreed that I should keep up the grudge. But when she calls, he says, Just have her come out. Now that she's making effort you've lost all the awesome upper hand. So she comes out to A BOOKSTORE reeking of booze, and wants to show off her ring and talk about the game, which "her side" lost, and I was feeling pretty righteous and smug having chosen to wear the other team's hat.
Anyway, she was acting all happy to see me and I was like, ho hum, and not intentionally either... but maybe just because I was ho hum...
It really makes you realize who your friends are, you know? I mean, I have guy friends who are religious about baseball, but I'm 100% certain that if they were presented with cross-town tickets when we had plans and I was flying across the country for these plans, they wouldn't go. W, for example, hates bars, and only goes to them when the Sox are playing, and I KNOW he wouldn't go to a cross town game if it meant canceling plans.
Fast forward to coming home from family vacation. I totally carried two frozen Chicago-style pizzas on the plane and invited my roommate to my boyfriend's house to eat them that night. At the bf's house my roommate notices the same liquor carousel I bought for B's birthday and says how cool it is! The next day I go home and give my roommate the boxed-up liquor carousel saying,"I was going to give it to B for her birthday/ house warming, but now she can just suck my ass!"
Then we got drunk and took out a sharpie and crossed out all of the kind words on the birthday card I had bought for B, so that all that was left was "Birthday". (Obviously leaving "Happy" on it would have been highly disingenuous...) I still haven't sent that card to her, but I'm thinking more and more that I will. Afterall, she's a bitch.
Birthday, B, Birthday.
Sore but Certified
To start with, the certification guy was this old southerner, who clearly had a problem with women. I don't like being one of those gals that thinks that everyone's against me because I'm a girl, so I'm only saying this because I had a feeling this was the case but then my boss brought it up, entirely unprovoked.
I kindda got the feeling immediately. The guy, my boss, and myself were having an "opening meeting". And every time I asked the guy a question, he would answer, without looking at me at all, and one time he finished by gesturing toward my boss and saying (notice the quotes) " so to answer your question, Boss's Name..." I wasn't super insulted by it at the time. I just thought this guy doesn't like women, and I thought it was kindda funny. Glasses that made him look like a fish. And all of the body language and mannerisms of someone who mail ordered a wife. The kind of mannerisms that no one would find endearing and only women sold into his clutches would tolerate. Uber dweeb with something to prove.
Ever since I got to this job my primary role has been "operations development", meaning I was writing all of the Standard Operating Procedures and Quality Manuals and lab forms, etc. Basically, I set up the entire quality system at our company, and I did it following, from the point-of-view of someone who sits outside of the certification body, difficult as hell rules straight out of the Federal Registrar!
Part of the problem is that I was supposed to make a quality system based on the "guidance" of this certification body. But they (nor other certification bodies, as it turns out) never define the terms they use, and often times they uses the same term in about 3 different ways. The example that comes to mind is "demonstration of capability". This term means that our equipment is proven to measure we say it does. It also means that our analysts have demonstrated that they can perform our experiment in a statistically reproducible way. It also means that the laboratory has the infrastructure in place to handle incoming client samples.
So the guy says he wants to see our policy on demonstration of capability, and I ask, Are you interested in our policy on analyst DOC or the instrumentation? To which he rolls his eyes (in a VERY GRATUITOUS way) and repeats himself, raising his voice and getting in my face a little. Of course I have a problem in which I mimic behaviors, and this situation escalates for two more instances of his repeating himself. So I just pick one to show him. He reads it, and starts belittling me saying it wasn't what he wanted and he's never had such a hard time dealing with a laboratory and blah blah blah. And I say, It's not in my interest to give you a hard time. But it would be helpful if you could clarify a little more about what exactly you are interested in. Then I say, maybe if you show me your checklist so I can see what you're referring to I can save us all some time. (Of course I was trying to say diplomatic words, but I was saying them aggressively enough that it was making my boss, who was in the room at the time, nervous.)
So then after that day (Wednesday), my boss, our lab tech, and myself (the fourth of our crew was on his family vacation) went out for a few drinks, and my boss kept going on and on about how the guy really was out of line, which made me a little ok, but still really annoyed.
Anyway, the second day with the certification guy worked out fine. We refused to give him any coffee (he drank 16 cups within 4 hours the day before) and then he was a bit more personable toward me, at least.
In the end, we were certified, but I still don't know what lesson I should take away from all of this? Let people beat you up verbally and hope you get what you want out of the deal in the end? Even with all of my hard work paying off and getting our place certified, it still culminated into an emotional and disappointing end.
I kindda got the feeling immediately. The guy, my boss, and myself were having an "opening meeting". And every time I asked the guy a question, he would answer, without looking at me at all, and one time he finished by gesturing toward my boss and saying (notice the quotes) " so to answer your question, Boss's Name..." I wasn't super insulted by it at the time. I just thought this guy doesn't like women, and I thought it was kindda funny. Glasses that made him look like a fish. And all of the body language and mannerisms of someone who mail ordered a wife. The kind of mannerisms that no one would find endearing and only women sold into his clutches would tolerate. Uber dweeb with something to prove.
Ever since I got to this job my primary role has been "operations development", meaning I was writing all of the Standard Operating Procedures and Quality Manuals and lab forms, etc. Basically, I set up the entire quality system at our company, and I did it following, from the point-of-view of someone who sits outside of the certification body, difficult as hell rules straight out of the Federal Registrar!
Part of the problem is that I was supposed to make a quality system based on the "guidance" of this certification body. But they (nor other certification bodies, as it turns out) never define the terms they use, and often times they uses the same term in about 3 different ways. The example that comes to mind is "demonstration of capability". This term means that our equipment is proven to measure we say it does. It also means that our analysts have demonstrated that they can perform our experiment in a statistically reproducible way. It also means that the laboratory has the infrastructure in place to handle incoming client samples.
So the guy says he wants to see our policy on demonstration of capability, and I ask, Are you interested in our policy on analyst DOC or the instrumentation? To which he rolls his eyes (in a VERY GRATUITOUS way) and repeats himself, raising his voice and getting in my face a little. Of course I have a problem in which I mimic behaviors, and this situation escalates for two more instances of his repeating himself. So I just pick one to show him. He reads it, and starts belittling me saying it wasn't what he wanted and he's never had such a hard time dealing with a laboratory and blah blah blah. And I say, It's not in my interest to give you a hard time. But it would be helpful if you could clarify a little more about what exactly you are interested in. Then I say, maybe if you show me your checklist so I can see what you're referring to I can save us all some time. (Of course I was trying to say diplomatic words, but I was saying them aggressively enough that it was making my boss, who was in the room at the time, nervous.)
So then after that day (Wednesday), my boss, our lab tech, and myself (the fourth of our crew was on his family vacation) went out for a few drinks, and my boss kept going on and on about how the guy really was out of line, which made me a little ok, but still really annoyed.
Anyway, the second day with the certification guy worked out fine. We refused to give him any coffee (he drank 16 cups within 4 hours the day before) and then he was a bit more personable toward me, at least.
In the end, we were certified, but I still don't know what lesson I should take away from all of this? Let people beat you up verbally and hope you get what you want out of the deal in the end? Even with all of my hard work paying off and getting our place certified, it still culminated into an emotional and disappointing end.
Landscaping at the Art Museum
I went to the Denver Art Museum with Kyle last month, and they have greeters at the front door who tell you about the new exhibit. Without fail, these people are foreign. So the guy says they have a new temporary "landscaping" exhibit. Well, I was perplexed. What are we going to see? Lawnmowers? Weedwackers stacked to look like lawn mowers? Nope. It was a LANDSCAPE exhibit featuring french impressionists. Blah-zay!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
They Got the Gestures Down!
This is my response to the Brickfish Political Dream Team Campaign. For supporting links, visit the brickfish site, by clicking on the links above. Below is a copy of the blog entry for this contest.
Let's be serious for a moment. Jolie and Lohan in 2008? What a load! The real political dream team would be Venutra/O'Brien, with some famous, well-chosen appointees.
Jesse Ventura, former World Wrestling Federation Star, former governor of
Conan O’Brien, your next Vice President of the
So who is the logical choice for Secretary of State? Why George Clooney, of course, and by all accounts, I suspect Clooney would be happy for the new role! Already he has standing as an international diplomat. He has spoken in the U.N. as well as organized others to raise awareness about the genocide in
On to Internal Affairs with Oprah Winfrey. Through her shows and missions, Winfrey has proven herself a compassionate billionaire, with a big soft spot for charitable work. Her dedication to helping those less fortunate would make a great contribution to the Office of Internal Affairs. With all of the discussion over illegal immigrants, I believe that having Winfrey as the Internal Affairs head would help our Congressmen remember the humanity of our nations immigrants and perhaps help to level out the conversations, discussing immigrants as people instead of just numbers and dollars.
Not pictured here, the Director of the EPA, Harrison Ford. Ford is a real nature-lover, and after the gutting of the EPA during this last Presidential administration, the environment could sure use a little lovin’. Ford organizes other celebrities to pool money together to buy up wild lands, keeping them in their pristine form, and saving them from development and sprawl. Surely he would be able to help guide the EPA in their efforts to better monitor our nation’s environment.
Make way for the Director of the Department of Agriculture, Wyclef Kean (also not pictured). Beyond the rap, we have a truly outstanding statesman! Kean is completely engrossed in his charity to help Haitians. His main focus is food and grain shortages and a lingering economy. This would make Jean perfect for helping develop an agenda for
Monday, July 7, 2008
The SCARIEST statistic I ever heard!
Question
Last year there were more than 200,000 bats in a specific cave in southern Vermont. How many were there this year?
Although I am probably most concerned with the HONEYBEE CRISIS at the moment, the mass die-off of bats is beginning to muscle it's way to the front of my interest.
I had been trying to get in touch with people who study bats for the past month or two. Essentially, our laboratory had recently (and indirectly) made headlines when one of our clients got published in Science using data our lab generated. We were able to do mercury speciation of single spiders. So then I thought, what other animals eat insects? Bats.
So I called up the gal who edits Bat Research News, the premier scientific journal for bat research, because if anyone should know who in the bat science community researchers what, well it should be the editor of the only bat-exclusive journal.
Although she didn't know whether any researchers were looking into mercury in bats and bats' diets, she did offer the few names of people who conducted studies in the past.
She said it was difficult to get research permits right now because of the bat crisis. Apparently to do analytical studies, researchers have to kill the animal and analyze its organs, and with more than 90% of all bats in America having died this year, the government wasn't too interested in trace metal studies of bat kidneys.
I had heard of the White Nose Syndrome. It's a fungal infection that seems to have been the cause of death of many bats that have been found dead. However, according to my contact, there have been instances of bats being infected with the fungus, but otherwise appearing unaffected. The scientific community, she said, is now starting to question whether the fungus is an opportunistic infection. Like how people infected with HIV do not die from HIV itself, their demise is usually due to another infection that can get a foothold in the body due to a weakened immune system. Perhaps the bat's immune system is weakened due to other infections or contaminations and under these weakened conditions the fungus does the worst damage.
However, the fungus itself does not kill the bat. Instead, it causes a chain reaction that ends in starvation. White Nose Syndrome, she said, infects the bat and causes an immune response. As a typical immune response, the bat's metabolism increases. This is a problem for hibernating bats. When its metabolism increases, it comes out of hibernation and starts looking for food. In the winter, there are not enough insects available to eat, so the bat starves to death.
So far, as many as 90% of America's bats have perished! And that brings you back to the question at the beginning of this entry.
Question
Last year there were more than 200,000 bats in a specific cave in southern Vermont. How many were there this year?
Answer
Five. That's right five. 5. Cinco.
That's the most shocking statistic I ever heard!
Last year there were more than 200,000 bats in a specific cave in southern Vermont. How many were there this year?
Although I am probably most concerned with the HONEYBEE CRISIS at the moment, the mass die-off of bats is beginning to muscle it's way to the front of my interest.
I had been trying to get in touch with people who study bats for the past month or two. Essentially, our laboratory had recently (and indirectly) made headlines when one of our clients got published in Science using data our lab generated. We were able to do mercury speciation of single spiders. So then I thought, what other animals eat insects? Bats.
So I called up the gal who edits Bat Research News, the premier scientific journal for bat research, because if anyone should know who in the bat science community researchers what, well it should be the editor of the only bat-exclusive journal.
Although she didn't know whether any researchers were looking into mercury in bats and bats' diets, she did offer the few names of people who conducted studies in the past.
She said it was difficult to get research permits right now because of the bat crisis. Apparently to do analytical studies, researchers have to kill the animal and analyze its organs, and with more than 90% of all bats in America having died this year, the government wasn't too interested in trace metal studies of bat kidneys.
I had heard of the White Nose Syndrome. It's a fungal infection that seems to have been the cause of death of many bats that have been found dead. However, according to my contact, there have been instances of bats being infected with the fungus, but otherwise appearing unaffected. The scientific community, she said, is now starting to question whether the fungus is an opportunistic infection. Like how people infected with HIV do not die from HIV itself, their demise is usually due to another infection that can get a foothold in the body due to a weakened immune system. Perhaps the bat's immune system is weakened due to other infections or contaminations and under these weakened conditions the fungus does the worst damage.
However, the fungus itself does not kill the bat. Instead, it causes a chain reaction that ends in starvation. White Nose Syndrome, she said, infects the bat and causes an immune response. As a typical immune response, the bat's metabolism increases. This is a problem for hibernating bats. When its metabolism increases, it comes out of hibernation and starts looking for food. In the winter, there are not enough insects available to eat, so the bat starves to death.
So far, as many as 90% of America's bats have perished! And that brings you back to the question at the beginning of this entry.
Question
Last year there were more than 200,000 bats in a specific cave in southern Vermont. How many were there this year?
Answer
Five. That's right five. 5. Cinco.
That's the most shocking statistic I ever heard!
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