"Newly" Published Article about Politickin'

I scoured the internet and found an article I sold to an unknown bidder last month.

Check it out: Dear John...That Sarah Palin Thing... it was a joke, wasn't it?

Dear John...congratulations on a hard fought Presidential campaign. I have a lot of respect for you. Still, I voted for Barack Obama. It's only fair, I think, that I tell you the ten reasons why I did not vote for you, John McCain. (And, may I call you John?)

1. Sarah Palin.

I got the joke, John. You chose Palin to stick it to the GOP. They demanded right wing; they got it! Maybe you called your pal Lieberman and you both had a good bipartisan laugh. Who would have thought they would go along with Palin, who's so inexperienced? (Even Castro said Sarah Palin ""doesn't know anything about anything.")

2. Overuse of the word "maverick".

I sympathize, John. Obama seized the younger generation. You wanted to compete, to appeal to the kids. Give them a simple, yet fun, drinking game. Pull them into your speeches. Alas, after 5 minutes and 15 drinks, they all sat around talking about Obama, and everyone still sober wondered, "Why would a real maverick need to keep pointing it out?"

3. I own fewer than one home.

John, when you need to count on your toes to keep track of your property, you've lost my vote. I know you're a little on the older side. You've had plenty of time to accumulate wealth, and then forget about it. Still, I don't think we'd have anything to talk about at a party. Maybe, we wouldn't understand each other at all.

4. Sarah Palin.

Remember when she said she could see Russia from Alaska? That was cute.

5. Victory obsession.

I like winning: Scrabble, gaining possession of the remote control from my brother. These competitions cost relatively little, and there's very little chance of death. Sure winning is great, but at what cost, and isn't protecting your country from real threats more important?

6. Not a good fireman.

When a fireman witnesses a fire, she attempts to put it out or help in some way. John, at your rallies people were "screaming "kill him" and "terrorist about Obama. If you want to be President, shouldn't you try to lead?

7. Sarah Palin.

"Ak-me-DEEn-a-shad." Look, John! Pookey pronounced her first foreign leader!

8. Does not play well with others.

Each time you have a clever Obama zinger, or when you refused to look at him during Debate 1, or when you called Obama "That one" in Debate 2, I have to wonder, how would your represent the U.S. to, say, the Prime Minister of Pakistan?

9. Kept referring to me as "friend."

I'm flattered, John, but before this letter, we hardly knew each other.

10. Men in Black.

I liked you a lot going into this race, John. You sponsored middle of the road bills. You like Joe Lieberman; I like Joe Lieberman. But right around the time of the Republican Convention, I got a feeling that recalled the movie Men in Black. You were no longer John McCain; you were like a right-wing alien wearing a McCain suit.

Anyway, John, I hope there are no hard feelings. At least we still have the Sarah Palin joke. It was a joke, wasn't it?